I have had a hard week missing my mom.
Why does it seem I take two steps forward and one step back through this process? I guess I jinxed myself when I proclaimed earlier that I was "doing so well," and "feeling so much peace and acceptance."
Now granted I have had a lack of sleep this week, and I swear that makes a difference as to how down I feel. But I think some of the things I feel are feelings of gratitude.
Last Saturday evening I had the privilege of attending the Young Women's broadcast with Aubree. We had fun going to Olive Garden (the West Valley one, not the Murray one) with Karyn and Jessica (Mike's wife and daughter). We had such a fun evening with them at dinner, at the broadcast, and then back at the mall for some shopping and a frozen yogurt.
As I sat with Aubree during that broadcast, I had flashbacks of sitting with my mom at the Young Women's broadcast so many years ago. I had the realization of the true impact my mom had on me to become the woman I am. It was because of her faith and desire to keep the commandments that I have gained a testimony of Jesus Christ and felt those same desires. I owe so much to my mom.
As I've listened to General Conference today, I was touched as I heard the choir sing:
I see my mother kneeling, with our family each day.
I hear the words she whispers, as she bows her head to pray.
Her plea to the Father, quiets all my fears.
And I am thankful, love is spoken here.
That is such a beautiful description of my mom. She was so prayerful. She relied on the Lord, and she taught us to have faith.
I also love the second verse:
Mine is a home, where every hour,
Is blessed by the strength of Priesthood power,
With father and mother leading the way,
Teaching me how to trust and obey.
And the things they teach are crystal clear,
For love is spoken here.
I am so overwhelmed as I think of how blessed I am to have such goodly parents. Both of my parents were amazing examples to me growing up. They weren't perfect, but they were wonderful.
This week my dad was in Peru with his siblings. I have missed him so much and wondered if his absence contributed to my hard week. I love my parents so much and I am so grateful to them for everything they sacrificed for their children.
I think I am appreciating this more because my mom is gone, but also because we are in an "interesting" time right now trying to raise our children. I realize how hard it is and it makes me that much more grateful.
I love you, Dad and Mom!!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
People of Walmart
Tonight Aubree begged me to return something to Kohls. I had already put on my PJ's and thought I was done for the night, but then she convinced me to go. I had on some gray sweats that said, "Top Model" down the leg in pink. (Bought, ironically, at Walmart.) I also had on an old "Huntsman for Governor" T-shirt. Yep, my pajamas are pretty glamorous!
I figured I could make a beeline for the Kohls customer service and be in and out of there in three minutes. I thought there would be a pretty good chance that I wouldn't run into anyone I knew.
On our way, my neighbor called and asked to borrow something. I didn't have it, but offered to stop at Walmart to get it for her, since it is just down the street from Kohls.
So... I walk into an always-crowded Walmart in my nice little get-up. I told Aubree how ridiculous I looked, but figured it was Walmart, for pete's sake. Then Aubree started singing, "These are the people of Walmart..." (You will have to watch/listen to the music video below to understand.)
At that point I felt right at home and enjoyed my jaunt through the Walmart in my PJ's.
I figured I could make a beeline for the Kohls customer service and be in and out of there in three minutes. I thought there would be a pretty good chance that I wouldn't run into anyone I knew.
On our way, my neighbor called and asked to borrow something. I didn't have it, but offered to stop at Walmart to get it for her, since it is just down the street from Kohls.
So... I walk into an always-crowded Walmart in my nice little get-up. I told Aubree how ridiculous I looked, but figured it was Walmart, for pete's sake. Then Aubree started singing, "These are the people of Walmart..." (You will have to watch/listen to the music video below to understand.)
At that point I felt right at home and enjoyed my jaunt through the Walmart in my PJ's.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Mom's Award at the Taylorsville Awards Banquet
Friday night was the Taylorsville Awards Banquet. My mom won the "Legacy Award." Here were Mayor Russ Wall's comments:
My dad was out of town and not able to attend the event, so the four of us siblings (we missed you, Nate!) and our spouses were able to attend.
It was sweet when a few people even gave a standing ovation.
Today the Deseret News wrote this nice story.
Despite previous failed incorporation attempts, in 1994 residents in the communities of Taylorsville and Bennion began the process of becoming a city. From the beginning, Sherri Winder was involved, later emerging as the co-chair of the incorporation committee.
With superb organization, she created districts throughout the potential city, appointed district captains to spread the word, and marshaled volunteers to get the necessary petitions signed to place the question on the ballot. With myths and misunderstandings swirling about what would happen if the area were to provide their own services, Sherri rallied the team to educate voters on what a city would really mean by making flyers, meeting hundreds in their homes, and stepping well outside her comfort zone to talk to the media. Her hard work helped the incorporation of Taylorsville-Bennion pass by an overwhelming 70 percent of the vote, enabling a city of 60,000 residents to control their own destiny. Residents of Taylorsville will forever be grateful to Sherri Winder, who midwifed Utah’s Centennial City.
Bruce Wasden, then chair of the Taylorsville-Bennion Community Council said, “The ability Sherri possessed to bring people together and work towards a common goal made her efforts invaluable and outcomes which were always positive.”
Last September 11th, Sherri Winder was killed in an automobile accident. We realized that we had never formally recognized her efforts as the co-chair of the effort to make Taylorsville a city. Tonight we award “The Legacy Award” posthumously to Sherri Winder. Here to accept the award on her behalf are her children: Aimee Newton, Mike Winder, Tami Larsen and Isaac Winder.
My dad was out of town and not able to attend the event, so the four of us siblings (we missed you, Nate!) and our spouses were able to attend.
It was sweet when a few people even gave a standing ovation.
Today the Deseret News wrote this nice story.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Grief Counselor and Cookie Jar
I just remembered that I forgot to write about the Grief Counseling I went to last month.
My insurance gave me three free visits, so I figured, "Why not?" I went to the person on the list that was the closest to my work, for convenience sake. She was okay.
I really have to admit that sometimes it feels good to "throw up" all over someone. Just spewing all your worries, problems, and stresses, is kind of liberating. Honestly, I could've done that with just about any stranger on the street and it would've been pretty therapeutic.
I went to the first visit and figured out that she is good friends with the couple my dad rides to the temple with. That was a little weird to realize she kind of knew my family, but I guess most people have heard of Burwash now, so being completely anonymous was most likely out of the question.
Luckily they keep a whole box of tissues handy, because I cried a lot. I pretty much just told her the story of losing my mom and the different emotions I've had with that.
In between the first and second visit, I had my dream about my mom and the painted coconuts, which has put me completely at peace. So when I went back for the second visit, I told her about my dream and how much better I felt. Then we called it good. I don't feel like I need the third visit.
I think counseling is so healthy! Matt and I have each gone to therapists before to work out individual issues. We actually found that our marriage improved as each of us concentrated on working out our own crap.
Here's one other thing I forgot to post. After I posted my story about my Grandma Hellman's cookie jar, my friend Wylie asked to see a photo. So here is a photo of it for Wylie (and anyone else who is interested)...
My insurance gave me three free visits, so I figured, "Why not?" I went to the person on the list that was the closest to my work, for convenience sake. She was okay.
I really have to admit that sometimes it feels good to "throw up" all over someone. Just spewing all your worries, problems, and stresses, is kind of liberating. Honestly, I could've done that with just about any stranger on the street and it would've been pretty therapeutic.
I went to the first visit and figured out that she is good friends with the couple my dad rides to the temple with. That was a little weird to realize she kind of knew my family, but I guess most people have heard of Burwash now, so being completely anonymous was most likely out of the question.
Luckily they keep a whole box of tissues handy, because I cried a lot. I pretty much just told her the story of losing my mom and the different emotions I've had with that.
In between the first and second visit, I had my dream about my mom and the painted coconuts, which has put me completely at peace. So when I went back for the second visit, I told her about my dream and how much better I felt. Then we called it good. I don't feel like I need the third visit.
I think counseling is so healthy! Matt and I have each gone to therapists before to work out individual issues. We actually found that our marriage improved as each of us concentrated on working out our own crap.
Here's one other thing I forgot to post. After I posted my story about my Grandma Hellman's cookie jar, my friend Wylie asked to see a photo. So here is a photo of it for Wylie (and anyone else who is interested)...
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Sweet Gestures
We've been so touched over the past six months by the gestures of so many family and friends. I was recently reminded of one.
As you know, my brother Mike, is running for SL County Mayor. He has been actively campaigning since January. When I've attended calling events, meetings, and other functions for the campaign, I've frequently seen my dad's cousin actively helping.
I've wondered if she just really enjoys politics? And what has made her so dedicated to Mike's campaign? The other day I got my answer.
She sent an email to Mike and included this message:
When I was at your mother's funeral I was so touched by the pain of such an early departure - I thought what can I do that would have some meaning for her and her family? It was then that I decided to help you with your campaign. It always means a lot to me when someone does something nice for my children. I think she would feel the same. Your mother is a wonderful woman. She was always so bright and happy to be around. We all loved her very much.
Mike forwarded this sweet email to me and I cried thinking about the wonderful things she is doing. She knew mom would've been making phone calls, recruiting delegates, and doing all those same things for the campaign. In a way she has stepped in and filled that role for Mike.
Thank you, Lori!
As you know, my brother Mike, is running for SL County Mayor. He has been actively campaigning since January. When I've attended calling events, meetings, and other functions for the campaign, I've frequently seen my dad's cousin actively helping.
I've wondered if she just really enjoys politics? And what has made her so dedicated to Mike's campaign? The other day I got my answer.
She sent an email to Mike and included this message:
When I was at your mother's funeral I was so touched by the pain of such an early departure - I thought what can I do that would have some meaning for her and her family? It was then that I decided to help you with your campaign. It always means a lot to me when someone does something nice for my children. I think she would feel the same. Your mother is a wonderful woman. She was always so bright and happy to be around. We all loved her very much.
Mike forwarded this sweet email to me and I cried thinking about the wonderful things she is doing. She knew mom would've been making phone calls, recruiting delegates, and doing all those same things for the campaign. In a way she has stepped in and filled that role for Mike.
Thank you, Lori!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Crazy Day
I know everyone has crazy days, and it always bugs me when people say how busy they are. (Aren't we all busy??) But for posterity sake, I really have to record my day today because it makes me laugh when I have days like this:
Get up, get ready, and take kids to school. Then head into work at 8:40. Work until 2:55. Attend junior high community council meeting from 3-4. Pick up Aubree at 4:15 and take her to violin lessons. On the way to lessons, get a call from ABC 4 about a storm drain issue in the city. At 4:30, sit in the car during Aubree's lesson and work on my computer/talk to reporters and city staff on the phone for an hour. Drop Aubree off at home at 6 and head to City Hall. Do on-camera interview with ABC 4 at 6:15. Run in my office and print papers out while giving the city administrator an update on the news interview until 6:30. Walk down the hall to the Ordinance Review Committee meeting and engage in discussion on a new Community Council ordinance. Leave at 7:15 and head to the church. Walk in very late to the Relief Society birthday dinner. Sit for a minute and catch my breath, then grab a bite to eat and chat with my friends. Head home and put on my PJ's. Tuck kids into bed and counsel teenage daughter. Enter data for Mike's campaign while watching the 10 o'clock news to see how the city was portrayed. Check out some data for a work survey I sent out today. Blog this post at 11:26 pm.
It was a fun, adrenaline-filled day. But I'm sure glad every day is not like this. I missed my babies!!
Get up, get ready, and take kids to school. Then head into work at 8:40. Work until 2:55. Attend junior high community council meeting from 3-4. Pick up Aubree at 4:15 and take her to violin lessons. On the way to lessons, get a call from ABC 4 about a storm drain issue in the city. At 4:30, sit in the car during Aubree's lesson and work on my computer/talk to reporters and city staff on the phone for an hour. Drop Aubree off at home at 6 and head to City Hall. Do on-camera interview with ABC 4 at 6:15. Run in my office and print papers out while giving the city administrator an update on the news interview until 6:30. Walk down the hall to the Ordinance Review Committee meeting and engage in discussion on a new Community Council ordinance. Leave at 7:15 and head to the church. Walk in very late to the Relief Society birthday dinner. Sit for a minute and catch my breath, then grab a bite to eat and chat with my friends. Head home and put on my PJ's. Tuck kids into bed and counsel teenage daughter. Enter data for Mike's campaign while watching the 10 o'clock news to see how the city was portrayed. Check out some data for a work survey I sent out today. Blog this post at 11:26 pm.
It was a fun, adrenaline-filled day. But I'm sure glad every day is not like this. I missed my babies!!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Republican Caucus
Last Thursday night the Republican Party held their neighborhood caucus. It was great to have so much advertising to get people out to the meetings. Our neighborhood had the best turn-out we've ever seen!
I ran as a county delegate. My reason for running... to be able to vote for my little brother for SL County Mayor at convention. Luckily I will have that opportunity in April!
Our particular caucus was held at Kearns Jr. High. It began with the several hundred attendees meeting in the auditorium for the opening prayer, pledge, and party announcements. Then everyone broke up into individual classrooms for precinct elections.
After our particular precinct finished, I took my notepad and went down the hall from room to room, to find out who some of the other county delegates were. I ran into one of my mom's best friends, Kim. My mom used to tell Kim that it was time she get involved in politics. Kim had never been to a caucus before, but decided to go this time and run as a county delegate to support Mike. She got up to give her speech and said, "Sherri, it's time." She won and it will be fun to see her at convention.
I saw other friends who were supporters of Mike and got elected, some who were attendees for the first time. It was so great!
Later we heard stories of family members who showed up to their caucus, ran and won as a delegates, to support Mike - Matt's Uncle Ron, Mike's sister-in-law Lynette, our cousin Clay, my dad's cousin Lori, and many others. Many friends did the same thing, and it's been fun for Mike to get emails from supporters who won their delegate elections.
We are looking forward to April 14 when all the Salt Lake County delegates will gather and cast their votes for Salt Lake County Mayor. If Mike can get 60 percent of the vote, he will go on to November without a primary. If no one gets 60 percent, the top two vote-getters battle it in a June primary election.
Mike is excited and energized about this race! We can feel the momentum and it's exciting to hear Mike's message resonate with voters. Go Mike!
I ran as a county delegate. My reason for running... to be able to vote for my little brother for SL County Mayor at convention. Luckily I will have that opportunity in April!
Our particular caucus was held at Kearns Jr. High. It began with the several hundred attendees meeting in the auditorium for the opening prayer, pledge, and party announcements. Then everyone broke up into individual classrooms for precinct elections.
After our particular precinct finished, I took my notepad and went down the hall from room to room, to find out who some of the other county delegates were. I ran into one of my mom's best friends, Kim. My mom used to tell Kim that it was time she get involved in politics. Kim had never been to a caucus before, but decided to go this time and run as a county delegate to support Mike. She got up to give her speech and said, "Sherri, it's time." She won and it will be fun to see her at convention.
I saw other friends who were supporters of Mike and got elected, some who were attendees for the first time. It was so great!
Later we heard stories of family members who showed up to their caucus, ran and won as a delegates, to support Mike - Matt's Uncle Ron, Mike's sister-in-law Lynette, our cousin Clay, my dad's cousin Lori, and many others. Many friends did the same thing, and it's been fun for Mike to get emails from supporters who won their delegate elections.
We are looking forward to April 14 when all the Salt Lake County delegates will gather and cast their votes for Salt Lake County Mayor. If Mike can get 60 percent of the vote, he will go on to November without a primary. If no one gets 60 percent, the top two vote-getters battle it in a June primary election.
Mike is excited and energized about this race! We can feel the momentum and it's exciting to hear Mike's message resonate with voters. Go Mike!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Lori
Today I called one of my mom's friends to see if she had seen my latest post about my dad dating. She said it was so hard for her to see him with someone else. It just makes us all realize that time really does continue marching along.
I told her how great Lori has been. She has really urged dad to take dating slow, since he is grieving. She wants to hear about my mom and even wanted to see her grave. She is so supportive of our family and likes to hear family updates and even reminds my dad when he needs to read our blogs.
I guess I tell you all this because I know there are some who are reading who are friends of my parents and probably feel a little shocked and betrayed by all these changes. I can assure you that I know my mom wants my dad to find a companion. I have felt that from the beginning and I have no doubt that mom is okay with this. She knows that she will be sealed to my dad and all of her kids forever.
It is also important for you to know that all of us kids really like Lori and are supportive of dad. We were warned in the beginning of "casserole-toting widows" who may try to take advantage of dad's emotional state. Lori is not like that. I appreciate that she has been supportive and sweet, and trying to take things slow.
I'm sure it's easier for us to deal with this now because we have slowly seen dad step into this new phase of life. For others who feel like mom just passed away a few weeks ago, it would be quite shocking to see photos of him with someone else. For me, it has definitely taken some getting used to, but I feel a strange peace. It's all going to be okay.
I told her how great Lori has been. She has really urged dad to take dating slow, since he is grieving. She wants to hear about my mom and even wanted to see her grave. She is so supportive of our family and likes to hear family updates and even reminds my dad when he needs to read our blogs.
I guess I tell you all this because I know there are some who are reading who are friends of my parents and probably feel a little shocked and betrayed by all these changes. I can assure you that I know my mom wants my dad to find a companion. I have felt that from the beginning and I have no doubt that mom is okay with this. She knows that she will be sealed to my dad and all of her kids forever.
It is also important for you to know that all of us kids really like Lori and are supportive of dad. We were warned in the beginning of "casserole-toting widows" who may try to take advantage of dad's emotional state. Lori is not like that. I appreciate that she has been supportive and sweet, and trying to take things slow.
I'm sure it's easier for us to deal with this now because we have slowly seen dad step into this new phase of life. For others who feel like mom just passed away a few weeks ago, it would be quite shocking to see photos of him with someone else. For me, it has definitely taken some getting used to, but I feel a strange peace. It's all going to be okay.
Dances
My little brother, Nathan, blogged about the song he wrote for my mom and performed at her funeral. It is a beautiful blog post that you can read on Nate's blog.
You can even download the song on iTunes!
You can even download the song on iTunes!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Six Months
Today is the six month anniversary of my mom's death. Wow - a half a year!
It has been an interesting weekend. Dad brought his girlfriend, Lori, up here from Nephi. We've had a lot of fun getting to know Lori better and hanging out as a family this weekend.
We had my nephew, John's, baptism on Saturday. As I looked at Lori, I thought it was remarkable how much she reminds me of my mom. After the baptism I watched my niece, Lily, walk up to her and say, "You look a lot like my Grandma Sherri." Lori replied that she has had a lot of people tell her that. Then Lily reached up and gave her a hug.
We all really like Lori and she has fit right in with our family this weekend.
I have started to worry a little more about my dad and if he is really in a place where he is emotionally ready to be in a relationship. I have some questions like, "Is he just trying to find the closest match to my mom?" Or, "Does it help the pain to subside when he can date to distract himself?"
I know it really isn't my business, so I am trying to be supportive and helpful.
I know a lot of people struggle with their parent dating and remarrying because they feel like their parent is "cheating" on their other parent. I haven't had that feeling much, and I am very grateful for that. I know my dad will remarry and dating a lot of people is just part of that.
Life is just so strange!
Lori is six years younger than my dad and is also a widow. She has three sons and works in a junior high.
It has been an interesting weekend. Dad brought his girlfriend, Lori, up here from Nephi. We've had a lot of fun getting to know Lori better and hanging out as a family this weekend.
We had my nephew, John's, baptism on Saturday. As I looked at Lori, I thought it was remarkable how much she reminds me of my mom. After the baptism I watched my niece, Lily, walk up to her and say, "You look a lot like my Grandma Sherri." Lori replied that she has had a lot of people tell her that. Then Lily reached up and gave her a hug.
We all really like Lori and she has fit right in with our family this weekend.
I have started to worry a little more about my dad and if he is really in a place where he is emotionally ready to be in a relationship. I have some questions like, "Is he just trying to find the closest match to my mom?" Or, "Does it help the pain to subside when he can date to distract himself?"
I know it really isn't my business, so I am trying to be supportive and helpful.
I know a lot of people struggle with their parent dating and remarrying because they feel like their parent is "cheating" on their other parent. I haven't had that feeling much, and I am very grateful for that. I know my dad will remarry and dating a lot of people is just part of that.
Life is just so strange!
Lori is six years younger than my dad and is also a widow. She has three sons and works in a junior high.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Birthdays and Car Washes
Tyler just turned 16. How crazy is that? He is growing up to be such a wonderful young man and we are so proud of him!
Whenever it's someone's birthday, we have a few traditions. First of all, Matt and I take the birthday kid to any restaurant they want... just the birthday kid and mom and dad - mostly because we're too cheap. (Tyler almost always chooses Tucanos.) On a different night we all go out for fast food as a family to celebrate.
For our family night, we went to dinner and then stopped at the Sweet Tooth Fairy to choose a treat. We had never been there before. Caleb said he felt like we were going to Disneyland. (Probably because no one was fighting.) Anyway, on the way home we stopped to go through the car wash because Marcus and Caleb had been begging to do a car wash and Aubree was humiliated that I drove the junior high carpool that morning in such a dirty mini-van. So we stopped at the car wash. (No one told us it was going to snow again the next day.)
Now we normally don't wash the car much. I know that sounds bad, but I have never cared how my van looked on the outside sitting in the garage most of the day when I worked from home. Now that I drive it to work and everyone at my work knows it's mine, I've started to have a little more pride in how it looks. (Especially since one of my very metro male co-workers complained to me one day that he parked next to me and when he got out of his very pristine car, accidentally rubbed against my van and got his suit all dirty.)
So, we paid $6 for a car wash at the Holiday.
Okay, BEST $6 I'VE EVER SPENT! It was like Disneyland.
My 8 and 10 year old got out to help me scrub the van down with those brushes. They giggled, and I mean giggled, the whole time. They thought it was the most fun thing ever! When we got in the van and drove into the car wash, they giggled and squealed with excitement. Tyler said, "Mom, you really need to get them out more."
As we drove home, the kids said how much fun the night was and how it was like a little bit of Disneyland - complete with a treat and a ride through a car wash.
Whenever it's someone's birthday, we have a few traditions. First of all, Matt and I take the birthday kid to any restaurant they want... just the birthday kid and mom and dad - mostly because we're too cheap. (Tyler almost always chooses Tucanos.) On a different night we all go out for fast food as a family to celebrate.
For our family night, we went to dinner and then stopped at the Sweet Tooth Fairy to choose a treat. We had never been there before. Caleb said he felt like we were going to Disneyland. (Probably because no one was fighting.) Anyway, on the way home we stopped to go through the car wash because Marcus and Caleb had been begging to do a car wash and Aubree was humiliated that I drove the junior high carpool that morning in such a dirty mini-van. So we stopped at the car wash. (No one told us it was going to snow again the next day.)
Now we normally don't wash the car much. I know that sounds bad, but I have never cared how my van looked on the outside sitting in the garage most of the day when I worked from home. Now that I drive it to work and everyone at my work knows it's mine, I've started to have a little more pride in how it looks. (Especially since one of my very metro male co-workers complained to me one day that he parked next to me and when he got out of his very pristine car, accidentally rubbed against my van and got his suit all dirty.)
So, we paid $6 for a car wash at the Holiday.
Okay, BEST $6 I'VE EVER SPENT! It was like Disneyland.
My 8 and 10 year old got out to help me scrub the van down with those brushes. They giggled, and I mean giggled, the whole time. They thought it was the most fun thing ever! When we got in the van and drove into the car wash, they giggled and squealed with excitement. Tyler said, "Mom, you really need to get them out more."
As we drove home, the kids said how much fun the night was and how it was like a little bit of Disneyland - complete with a treat and a ride through a car wash.
Mother-Daughter Hugs
The other night Aubree was really sad about something that happened at school. I was in her room listening to her tell me the story. When she was finished, she started crying, so I reached over to hug her. I gave her a fairly normal hug as she cried on my shoulder.
Ironically, as I looked over her shoulder, I saw her photo collage of my mom. I looked at each of those photos of my mom and I realized how much I wish I had a warm embrace from her when I've been sad in recent weeks and months. I decided right there to change my hug with Aubree. No more wimpy hugs. She was going to get a real hug. A hug of empathy.
I held my baby girl, who is not such a baby anymore. I thought of a time almost three years ago when I had some hard times and called my mom to see if she could come over to give me a hug. She did. She held me on my couch as I sobbed in her arms. It is good to have mom's who can give good empathy hugs. I'm going to do a better job with that from now on.
Ironically, as I looked over her shoulder, I saw her photo collage of my mom. I looked at each of those photos of my mom and I realized how much I wish I had a warm embrace from her when I've been sad in recent weeks and months. I decided right there to change my hug with Aubree. No more wimpy hugs. She was going to get a real hug. A hug of empathy.
I held my baby girl, who is not such a baby anymore. I thought of a time almost three years ago when I had some hard times and called my mom to see if she could come over to give me a hug. She did. She held me on my couch as I sobbed in her arms. It is good to have mom's who can give good empathy hugs. I'm going to do a better job with that from now on.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
When Dad remarries...
When my dad remarries someday, I get a little fearful that we will become second fiddle to his new wife's family. I only get worried because I've heard stories of people in our situation who have that happen.
I also worry if he had to move out of the valley because then it makes it even more difficult to have him hang out with us.
There are a few things that are "sacred cows" (no pun intended) in our family. They are monthly date night, monthly family dinner, and birthday lunches with the grandkids. I hope my dad would still commit to continue those things once he is remarried. I also worry about holidays. Our family consistently gets together on even years for Thanksgiving, and in the late afternoon/evening on Christmas day to exchange gifts. I guess I can only hope that his new wife has her family Thanksgivings on odd years and that Christmas Eve is their big Christmas celebration.
Ugh. Combining families sounds tricky.
I also worry if he had to move out of the valley because then it makes it even more difficult to have him hang out with us.
There are a few things that are "sacred cows" (no pun intended) in our family. They are monthly date night, monthly family dinner, and birthday lunches with the grandkids. I hope my dad would still commit to continue those things once he is remarried. I also worry about holidays. Our family consistently gets together on even years for Thanksgiving, and in the late afternoon/evening on Christmas day to exchange gifts. I guess I can only hope that his new wife has her family Thanksgivings on odd years and that Christmas Eve is their big Christmas celebration.
Ugh. Combining families sounds tricky.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Lasts and Firsts
I've had a lot of people "give me permission" to take a full year (at least) to grieve the death of my mom. I really appreciate that! When people act like I should be over it by now, it makes me feel a lot worse.
I've also been told that the first year brings a lot of "firsts." The first Christmas without mom, the first birthday without her, the first Mother's Day, etc. etc.
Well I'm also realizing that this year is bringing some "lasts." One of those is my home phone number. Let me explain...
When my parents were married 38+ years ago, their phone number was 968-0382. That phone number moved with them to three other houses that they would move to throughout their marriage. That phone number is the only number I had ever known as a child, and it continued to be the phone number that I called my parents on... until last week.
Once mom passed away, dad decided that he could just use his cell phone and being the frugal guy he is, he wanted to save the $30 per month and cancel his land line.
Their home phone contained an answering machine message that was recorded by my mom. Sometimes I would call it when I knew no one was home, just to hear her voice, so I was a little sad when dad decided to cancel it.
He warned us that he was doing it, and last week I called their home number and it said, "The subscriber you have dialed is not in service."
Now that's kind of a blow.
It will be interesting to see what other "lasts" we experience in the next year and beyond.
I've also been told that the first year brings a lot of "firsts." The first Christmas without mom, the first birthday without her, the first Mother's Day, etc. etc.
Well I'm also realizing that this year is bringing some "lasts." One of those is my home phone number. Let me explain...
When my parents were married 38+ years ago, their phone number was 968-0382. That phone number moved with them to three other houses that they would move to throughout their marriage. That phone number is the only number I had ever known as a child, and it continued to be the phone number that I called my parents on... until last week.
Once mom passed away, dad decided that he could just use his cell phone and being the frugal guy he is, he wanted to save the $30 per month and cancel his land line.
Their home phone contained an answering machine message that was recorded by my mom. Sometimes I would call it when I knew no one was home, just to hear her voice, so I was a little sad when dad decided to cancel it.
He warned us that he was doing it, and last week I called their home number and it said, "The subscriber you have dialed is not in service."
Now that's kind of a blow.
It will be interesting to see what other "lasts" we experience in the next year and beyond.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
The Mayor's Bathroom
As I've said previously, I have a lot of fun working for my city. Well, I had a funny thought the other day.
My office space (AKA cubicle) is right smack next to the mayor's office. When city hall was built, a bathroom was put off the mayor's office, so the mayor has his own "space." All the other restrooms are out of our office area and clear down the hall.
The other day the mayor was not in. I asked the other female workers if they dared me to use the mayor's bathroom instead of walking all the way down the hall. One person jokingly said that I could get fired for that. Of course I chose not to use it and the next day I was telling the mayor about it. He said he didn't care who used it.
So I had this little thought... wouldn't it be funny if someone did decide to use the mayor's bathroom when he wasn't in. Then what would happen if while that person was in there, the mayor walked in his office and hosted some big meeting in his office. That poor person would be stuck in the bathroom until the end of the meeting! Or I guess they could try to be nonchalant and just suddenly open the bathroom door, say, "Excuse me," and then walk right out. Can you imagine the look on everyone's face if that happened?...
... Deep Thoughts... by Jack Handy. (Old SNL reference.)
My office space (AKA cubicle) is right smack next to the mayor's office. When city hall was built, a bathroom was put off the mayor's office, so the mayor has his own "space." All the other restrooms are out of our office area and clear down the hall.
The other day the mayor was not in. I asked the other female workers if they dared me to use the mayor's bathroom instead of walking all the way down the hall. One person jokingly said that I could get fired for that. Of course I chose not to use it and the next day I was telling the mayor about it. He said he didn't care who used it.
So I had this little thought... wouldn't it be funny if someone did decide to use the mayor's bathroom when he wasn't in. Then what would happen if while that person was in there, the mayor walked in his office and hosted some big meeting in his office. That poor person would be stuck in the bathroom until the end of the meeting! Or I guess they could try to be nonchalant and just suddenly open the bathroom door, say, "Excuse me," and then walk right out. Can you imagine the look on everyone's face if that happened?...
... Deep Thoughts... by Jack Handy. (Old SNL reference.)
Friday, March 2, 2012
Mother's Day Tea
No, I don't drink tea.
I know Mother's Day is going to be tough this year. But I don't want it to be ruined for my kids and for me. So I've been thinking of a way to still honor my mom, and maybe shed a few tears, but not have it take over the whole day.
So here is my idea...
I am inviting any woman who has lost her mom to my house for a Mother's Day Tea on Sat., May 5 at noon. We will have lunch and each person gets to bring photos of her mom and share for two or three minutes what she loves about and has learned from her mom.
It's kind of like a support group and party all mixed into one.
I know there are people reading this blog that I have never met. If you are reading this and you have lost your mom (Dawn, Vicki, Cheryl, Jan, Karen O., Tonya, Sallie, Tami, Mom Julie, Linda, Margo, etc. etc.) I would be honored to have you come to my Mother's Day Tea, even if I have never met you before. Please email me at newtonloans@gmail.com to RSVP and get a small food assignment.
I'm even going to have my mom's mother, Grandma Jepson come via Skype. (Sorry, Grandma. You'll have to provide your own food in Seattle.)
I'm so excited!!!
I know Mother's Day is going to be tough this year. But I don't want it to be ruined for my kids and for me. So I've been thinking of a way to still honor my mom, and maybe shed a few tears, but not have it take over the whole day.
So here is my idea...
I am inviting any woman who has lost her mom to my house for a Mother's Day Tea on Sat., May 5 at noon. We will have lunch and each person gets to bring photos of her mom and share for two or three minutes what she loves about and has learned from her mom.
It's kind of like a support group and party all mixed into one.
I know there are people reading this blog that I have never met. If you are reading this and you have lost your mom (Dawn, Vicki, Cheryl, Jan, Karen O., Tonya, Sallie, Tami, Mom Julie, Linda, Margo, etc. etc.) I would be honored to have you come to my Mother's Day Tea, even if I have never met you before. Please email me at newtonloans@gmail.com to RSVP and get a small food assignment.
I'm even going to have my mom's mother, Grandma Jepson come via Skype. (Sorry, Grandma. You'll have to provide your own food in Seattle.)
I'm so excited!!!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
I need a vacation!
One thing that some may not know about me is that I love to travel. Looking forward to a fun trip is a great way to get me through hard times.
Sometimes I am a bit overkill with my trip planning, though. For instance, I have a spreadsheet that has all my kids ages over the next 10 years. I have actually lined up which trips I want to take when, depending on everyone's ages.
I also find any and every excuse to go on a trip. I have entered at least three contests for cruises. (The most recent was to write a paragraph as to why Celebrity Cruises should have me be the reporter for their newly remodeled ship. I'd win a free cruise out of it, so why not? Unfortunately I didn't win.)
I have resorted to crazy stunts to go on trips, too. For instance, I got a travel company to hire me to take a group of boy scouts through Washington DC a few years ago. It was soooo much work and by the time we paid for Matt's flight (he was my unpaid assistant), and the babysitter at home, we didn't really make any money. But we did get to see the nation's capitol again!
Nine months after the DC gig, the same travel company hired me to take a high school choir to Southern California. I took Tyler with me and that one was not nearly as exhausting and was very fun!
We've also done a lot of trips thanks to Matt winning various things at work.
Needless to say, I am ITCHING right now for a trip. We plan to take the kids to Disney World in November, but I want to go somewhere with just Matt - even if it's two nights in downtown SL. (Do you hear me, Matt? Remember my surprise of taking you to a Broncos game in Denver?? Remember how I just showed up at your work and took you straight to the airport with your bags packed in the back?? Well don't do that to me because the fun part is the anticipation. But it would be fun to have a surprise trip with a few weeks to get excited for it!! I am really not trying to throw out hints...
... Okay, I totally am.)
Sometimes I am a bit overkill with my trip planning, though. For instance, I have a spreadsheet that has all my kids ages over the next 10 years. I have actually lined up which trips I want to take when, depending on everyone's ages.
I also find any and every excuse to go on a trip. I have entered at least three contests for cruises. (The most recent was to write a paragraph as to why Celebrity Cruises should have me be the reporter for their newly remodeled ship. I'd win a free cruise out of it, so why not? Unfortunately I didn't win.)
I have resorted to crazy stunts to go on trips, too. For instance, I got a travel company to hire me to take a group of boy scouts through Washington DC a few years ago. It was soooo much work and by the time we paid for Matt's flight (he was my unpaid assistant), and the babysitter at home, we didn't really make any money. But we did get to see the nation's capitol again!
Nine months after the DC gig, the same travel company hired me to take a high school choir to Southern California. I took Tyler with me and that one was not nearly as exhausting and was very fun!
We've also done a lot of trips thanks to Matt winning various things at work.
Needless to say, I am ITCHING right now for a trip. We plan to take the kids to Disney World in November, but I want to go somewhere with just Matt - even if it's two nights in downtown SL. (Do you hear me, Matt? Remember my surprise of taking you to a Broncos game in Denver?? Remember how I just showed up at your work and took you straight to the airport with your bags packed in the back?? Well don't do that to me because the fun part is the anticipation. But it would be fun to have a surprise trip with a few weeks to get excited for it!! I am really not trying to throw out hints...
... Okay, I totally am.)
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