Why my brother, Mike Winder, will not seek re-election...

Yesterday my brother, Mike Winder, announced that he will not seek re-election as Mayor of West Valley City. I've had some people ask me why he is not running again.

My brother is one of my very best friends. We talk on the phone almost every day and I know Mike has struggled with this decision over the past few weeks. I will tell you, from my point of view, why he made the decision he did.

West Valley City has a manager-council form of government. That means the mayor and council operate like a Board of Directors. They hire a city manager who runs the day to day affairs of the city. The council and mayor, as council chair, approve budgetary and legislative decisions, but they have no control over any personnel, except the city manager. 

With this form of government, the mayor is only paid a part-time salary of $35,000 per year. Since I work for a mayor (Taylorsville), I can attest to the many meetings a mayor attends. Here is a Taylorsville blog post I wrote listing the things our mayor attends. The only thing Mike doesn't do, that our mayor does, is act as the CEO of the city. Basically, he works full-time, but is only paid a part-time wage. This becomes problematic as he looks for another job to support his family. 

I remember when Mike was first elected mayor and he worked full-time for the Summit Group. He would sometimes be up until 2 a.m. just getting his work done for his full-time job, because he was out at city meetings throughout the day. Many employers don't want to hire someone who needs that much flexibility. 

Several months ago Mike had plans to run again. He loves being the Mayor of West Valley City! He loves fighting for the city he is passionate about. But in the past few weeks he started talking about quality of life and how as his kids get older they get more expensive - braces, schooling, etc. He does some consulting work on the side, but that makes it hard to plan financially because it is hit or miss.

I think losing our mom has changed our perspective on family and the relatively short amount of time we get with our kids. They grow up so fast! Mike realizes this and after much prayer, he and Karyn decided it was time to simplify. He decided not to run again so he could look for a full-time job. (Just ONE full-time job.)

I am very proud of my brother! He has made a difference in West Valley City in the eight years he has served as an elected official. Preliminary numbers show he would've won his election, and the recent WVC police issues have not scared him one bit. He was excited to help get that department back on track, and will be able to focus more time on that in the coming months since he won't be campaigning.

What will Mike do? Who knows! He will look for jobs in the fall and see what happens. People have asked if he will ever run again. I'm not sure. I know Mike would never be interested in a Congressional seat or anything on the federal level, but I could see him running for a state office down the road. He has no immediate plans to do anything like that, but he is young and has a long life ahead of him. Maybe when the kids are grown he will get involved in politics again. Time will tell.

He has always had the attitude that you should not be a career politician, but a public servant - "Get in, get the job done, let someone else have their turn."

Here is the press release sent out about his decision:

Mike Winder Will Not Seek Re-Election

West Valley City Mayor Mike Winder announced today that he will not be seeking reelection this fall. Winder, who was elected in 2009 with 76% of the vote, said the decision was a financial one, based on his need to provide for his family with full-time employment.

“Public service is always a sacrifice for a family, and in our city’s council-manager form of government it is especially difficult to serve as mayor,” Winder said. “Although the pay is part-time, the duties of the job of mayor have daily demands that make other employment very difficult. For the need of better providing for my growing family, I announce today that I will not be seeking reelection.”

The mayor said that he will complete his term of office that expires in January 2014 and will seek full-time employment for his post-mayoral career. “There is much work to still do this year, including hiring and working with a new police chief,” Winder said, “and there has been so much progress over the past four years that our city can be proud of.” He points to ten specific achievements:

1)      The turnaround of Valley Fair Mall, which added 300,000 square feet of retail and today has the #1 Olive Garden in North America and the most high tech movie theater in the United States.

2)      Seeing TRAX come to West Valley City and leveraging transit to launch the half-billion dollar Fairbourne Station development, which includes a new Embassy Suites Hotel that opened this year.

3)      Other economic development success, such as seeing over a billion dollars in private investment come to the city last year, over 4,000 jobs created by new or expanding businesses in four years, and bringing Petzl’s North American headquarters to the city.

4)      Improved and cleaned up neighborhoods, with code enforcement violations down, a 46% reduction of graffiti along major city corridors, and the first CNG fleet of garbage trucks in the state.

5)      Crime dropping 11% in the city since 2009, with police calls at Valley Fair Mall down 75%.

6)      Three new parks created, with plans for more trails, a skate park, and a Jordan River park. A revamped golf course will open this summer.

7)      Expanded programs and exhibits, and a new Chinese Heritage Gate at the Utah Cultural Celebration Center.

8)      The city’s animal shelter is on track to be the first city in Utah with a “no kill” shelter status.

9)      Naming rights for the “E-Center” finally secured after 12 years, becoming “The Maverik Center”.

10)   Treating people with dignity, including championing an anti-discrimination ordinance to prevent discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity in housing and employment; and launching an English Language Initiative that has recognized nearly 1,000 immigrants who have completed English classes.

Mayor Winder was elected by his peers to be president of the Utah League of Cities and Towns, and chair of the Salt Lake Valley Conference of Mayors. In 2011, he was named “Best of State” mayor for Utah, recognized in City Weekly’s “Best of Utah”, and was a nominee for the Salt Lake Tribune’s “Utahn of the Year.” Utah Businessmagazine has listed him as one of Utah’s “Forty Rising Stars Under Forty.” As mayor he also published a history book of the city.

Winder, age 37, served a term on the city council and four years as the city’s business development manager before being elected mayor.  He and his wife, Karyn, are the parents of four children between the ages of five and fourteen. “I love this city and it is an honor to serve as mayor,” he said, “I look forward to many more years of continued community service in various capacities.”

Dealing with Anxiety

Wow, last week was a tough week. I'm not sure if I was dealing with post-Mother's Day/birthday depression, or what. My anxiety was crazy and it was to a point that I was ready to call a doctor.

Several members of my family suffer from anxiety and it is just something I've learned to live with. For me, jumping into situations that make me anxious, helps me to cope. I cooked on live TV for a year just hoping that would cure my fears. It did help, but I still struggle - some times more than other times.

I know medication is there to help people, so please don't take offense if I tell you that I really don't want to go on medication. I don't judge those who do take medication for depression or anxiety, but I really want to avoid it, if I can.

So I've decided to make some lifestyle changes beginning this week. First, my goal is to exercise for just 20 minutes each day. I am terrible at exercising, so I have to start small. The past few nights I have gone for walks/jogs after getting my kids in bed, and it feels great!! There is something very therapeutic about being outside.

My second change is to get more sleep. Lack of sleep wreaks havoc on my emotions and is definitely a contributor to heightened anxiety. I haven't done very well on this one, but was proud to get 7 1/2 hours of sleep last night!

My third change is to stop eating sugar. This may sound dumb, but two years ago I went on a "No-Sugar" diet for 17 days. I had such great mental clarity! It was amazing how much better I felt, even though it was hard work. I would like this to be a lifestyle change, rather than a temporary diet, so I am not going to deprive myself completely. I think I will allow myself sugar one day each week, just so I don't give up. Last time I did this I didn't even eat ketchup, since it contained sugar. This time I am not going to be so strict. I will eat small amounts of sugar in sauces, or stuff like that. I can also have honey, agave, and fruit. It will be interesting to see how long I can do this one!

So far this week I feel pretty good!

Tyler's Mother's Day Talk

For Mother's Day I received a pretty cool gift from my 17 year old... this talk that he gave in Sacrament Meeting. Tyler wrote this himself. I was especially happy to hear his admission that he is glad we made him take piano lessons all these years.

Tyler Newton's Mother’s Day Talk
5/12/2013

 Hello. For those of you that don’t know me you can look in the program and find my name there or ask my parents who I am. If you don’t know who my parents are and you don’t have a program well then I guess you’re out of luck. Today, which happens to be Mother’s Day, I have been given a sort of unexpected topic… honoring my mother. Here is the most unexpected part of it all. I actually started writing this talk a week ago, which differs from every single one of my previous talks which were penned the night before or the morning of. Confession: this one may have been started last week, but it was still finished this morning. But it could be worse. My first talk I ever gave was written ten minutes before sacrament meeting started… Anyway. As I thought of what I could put into this talk, I did what any experienced speech or essay writing teenager does to begin a well-written paper. I consulted the Great and Powerful Google. There were many, many articles regarding this subject; pieces from a ton of religions. Every single one of them considered it extremely important. It is one of the commandments after all. Exodus 20:12 states, “Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” I don’t know about you, but I want my days to be long here. In contrast if I don’t honor my mother I find my days to be very long indeed, however in a different sense than the Lord is talking about here. I do think that was a much more polite way of telling you what will happen if you don’t honor your parents, than Exodus 21:17, which states, “And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.”

Analogies are some of our favorite things, right? So right now I’m going to compare motherhood to theatre. This last December I had the opportunity to direct Cottonwood High School’s annual melodrama. It was very stressful. Keeping the cast focused and on task was somewhat of a chore every day. On top of that there were times when I would ask them to work on something or to fix something in the show and they just didn’t get it done. It about drove me crazy. “Don’t you understand that I’m telling you these things to help you have a successful performance?”  I would think to myself frequently. “If you guys know that I’m trying to help you, why wouldn’t you put in the time to do what I’m asking you to do?” As I think back on this time which was really fun and rewarding in retrospect, but exceedingly stressful in the moment, I realize that this is exactly how my mother feels when I’m doing my thing, teenagering around, and not giving heed to what she is telling me.

Our mothers, or directors, in our lives only want us to have a successful performance. They don’t tell us to do or not to do (to be or not to be) certain things because they want to be mean or make our lives harder. They tell us these things because they want us to have the best opportunities in life as we possibly can. And also like directing this melodrama I’m sure that it is really fun and rewarding in retrospect but also exceedingly stressful in the moment a lot of the time. However, don’t quote me on that because I’m not a mother and hope never to become one.

One of the best ways we can honor our mothers is by listening to her advice and obeying her commands. I can only imagine how frustrated my mother becomes every time she tells me to do something I disagree with or simply don’t want to do. Hours have been spent raging war with each other on whether I was going to do my piano practicing. I’ve somewhat gotten over it now, but when I was a little younger there were some traumatic experiences that occurred in our living room. Usually they ended with me deciding I didn’t want to lose any more privileges and sobbing as I would reluctantly plunk away my piano pieces. It was quite a sight to behold.

My mom didn’t push me through piano lessons to simply give me something to cry about. She forced me the opportunity… (Forcing someone an opportunity. That’s a thing.) Anyway, she forced me the opportunity to learn piano in order to teach me how to work hard. And I also suspect she made me take piano in order to teach me that life isn’t fun at all sometimes. I promised I would never say this, but… The non-bitter part of me is extremely grateful that my mom made me stick with piano lessons. (My brothers are looking at me with shock right now.) I really am glad to know how to play. Okay yeah, there’s that, but if she or anyone else brings up this statement to me after the meeting I will feign stupidity and pretend it never happened.

Okay, so how else can we honor our mothers? By saying thank you. This one is huge. Our mothers do so much for us and receive very little in return. It’s always shocking to see the state of our home after my mom has been gone for even two days. The dishes are stacked like a game of Jenga in the sink. Our clothes all smell like feet.  My little brothers, Thing 1 and The Thing, have usually done something terrible to our basement…  It is much like the sobbing pianist, a sight to behold. My mother keeps our house truly a heaven on earth. The least we, as children, can do is thank her.

The biggest way we can honor our mothers is by keeping the commandments of God. That is our mother’s biggest hope for us; that we will live according to the gospel on our own when we finally grow up and move out. As our mothers force us the opportunity to come to church, go to mutual, and have family prayer and scripture study, we may become annoyed and mad. We really should have an attitude of gratitude. (An excellent phrase mostly because of the fact that it rhymes.) We should feel blessed that our mother just wants us to be happy. We may not be happy in the moment, but in the long term, we will be prosperous for doing as she says.

I know that honoring our mothers is extremely important and I’m grateful to have my mother helping me to live a successful life. I’m grateful for my father who, by example, shows me how to honor my mother in the way he treats both my mother and his. Happy Mother’s Day to my mom and all motherly figures in my life and the lives of others. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen.

Mother's Day Cards

I stopped at the store to get some Mother's Day cards. Wow is that a hard place to be when you no longer have your mom around!

I found a card for my Grandma, and then thought it would be fun to get Suzy (my dad's fiancee) a card. I started browsing through the cards, and finally just cried as I stood in the card aisle of the store. I felt like I should get my own mom a card, so it was killing me that I would never be buying her a card again. It always meant so much to my mom when we made the effort to find a wonderfully sweet and sentimental card.

I actually almost bought her a card, but then realized that I was too cheap to spend the money on something that would sit at the cemetery until it was ruined by sprinklers and get thrown away.

I decided to still do a card, but mostly for my own benefit. I went home a found a little notecard and then wrote a little note to my mom. I took some flowers and my card to the cemetery the Saturday before Mother's Day and had a few minutes by myself in the cemetery.

Mom's wedding bouquet was still there...

Here was the card I got for Suzy...

I was trying to be funny by getting her one of the "new mother" cards...

All in a week...

This was an interesting week...

Saturday: For the Winder Date Night (all the adults in my family get together once a month and do something fun), we had a photo scavenger hunt at the Mall. I love this photo of Matt showing the kitties. One of our requirements was to find something that reminded us of Grandma Jepson. Cats... of course!

Sunday: One of my favorite comments from one of my in-laws was how we must have strong self-esteems to be willing to put this photo on Facebook. This was Eyebrow Waxing Night at the Newtons. I love microwavable wax from Sally's! We look like Star Trek characters, but our brows looked fantastic afterwards!

Monday: My boys had their spring piano recital. Caleb played the Star Wars theme. He unsuccessfully tried to talk Marcus and Tyler into dressing up as Star Wars characters, hosting a lightsaber war on the stage, and letting him come up and push them off prior to playing his piece. Nonetheless, he nailed it and was so proud!

Yes, that is a Batman cape on Marcus. He played the Batman theme.

Okay, watch Tyler's fingers fly...


Tuesday: I pitched an idea to KUTV 2 for one of my clients to be on their morning show. We had a great time with Casey Scott at Rocky Mountain Recycling, talking about Wasatch Front Waste and Recycling. Casey actually climbed into the full recycling truck, dove into a pile of paper, and sorted garbage. It was a fun segment, but a very early morning.

Later that evening I helped host a neighborhood meeting for the Mayor and a council member at a park that had a fire. KSL came to cover it and since there was just a cameraman and no reporter, I found a few kids to be interviewed for him and actually did the interview. It made me laugh. Then it rained on us.

Wednesday: Caleb played Abraham Lincoln for school and gave a cute 45 second speech every time someone stepped on the button in front of him. 

Matt and I had fun pushing his floor button over and over so he would have to keep giving his speech.

Thursday: As if one very early morning wasn't bad enough, two days after our KUTV early morning, I met up with my dad at ABC 4 to do a Winder Farms segment at 6 a.m. Fun to do a segment with my dad, the milkman!

Friday: I turned 39! It was a very busy day at work, but then Matt and I went to the Melting Pot for dinner. I always miss my mom on my birthday!

Well, that was my week. Stay tuned for details on Mother's Day weekend...

Aubree's Dance Recital and Sharing My Dad

Last weekend we went to Aubree's junior high Dance Company concert. She did such a great job! Aubree did not let the other dancers know that she had physical disabilities which inhibited her dancing (because of her brain tumor). It has been killing me to not tell those girls what a miracle Aubree is and how awesome she dances, considering her right side weakness and balance issues. I am so darn proud of that girl!! 

After the concert, we all went to Leatherby's for ice cream. (Matt makes us all fill out March Madness brackets for the NCAA tournaments. The winner chooses the dessert place for a family outing. Weirdly enough, I happened to win and chose Leatherby's!)

My dad brought Caleb (my soon-to-be 16-year-old stepbrother) to the concert (Suzy was at Women's Conference). The cutest thing happened... I asked Caleb what he was most excited about with my dad marrying his mom. He pointed to my dad and said, "Him. He's really funny."

I get so emotional recounting this story because every teenage boy needs a fatherly influence in their lives and poor Caleb lost his dad when he was 12. I am so honored to share my dad with him.

Family Photos, Scriptures, and Wedding Bouquets

Yesterday was a tough day. We went over to my dad's house to get the house ready for his upcoming marriage at the end of the month. We really want Suzy to live there, so it seemed best to take down the Kent and Sherri Winder family paraphernalia so she could really make it her house.

There were a few difficult things to take down. The first one was these framed photos. My parents took a family photo every single year from the first year they were married. It was so cool to look how the family has grown and changed. I know this isn't the best photo of these photos, but you at least get the idea...

This constituted the main decor in my parents' family room, and it just seemed right to take it down so Suzy could redecorate however she wanted. We also took down this photo of my parents with the grandkids. We will need to take a new grandkid photo since we have added some new little ones since this was taken...

Another cherished item was our old Family Home Evening chart. Mike gave each of us our own heart so we can make a Christmas ornament out of it.

I held it together pretty well as we were going through this process. That is, until my dad said, "Here are mom's scriptures..."

Then I burst into tears and picked them up. What a treasure! Her scriptures were full of highlighter as she marked the verses that were meaningful to her! In the front of her scriptures I found a little piece of paper that said something about being prepared for another September 11th. (My mom happened to die on September 11th.)

Here we are holding her scriptures, her dried wedding bouquet, and the ceramic temple that was on the top of their wedding cake.

My mom loved that she had her dried wedding bouquet! She had it displayed on her bedroom dresser and cherished the day she was sealed to my dad for eternity. Knowing Suzy probably would not want someone else's dried wedding bouquet on her dresser, we knew we needed to do something with it. The problem was that none of us wanted it in our houses. (I have my own dried wedding bouquet!) None of us could bear throwing it in the garbage, either, so we came up with another solution...

We decided to put her wedding bouquet on her grave...

Oh the tears I have shed about leaving that in the cemetery! It was so precious to her, and yet would not be meaningful to her now. (Surely her perspective has shifted and "stuff" just would not matter.)

I was so upset that I called one of my mom's best friends', Kim, on the way home and bawled about everything and wanted to make sure it was okay that we left her bouquet at the cemetery. Kim was very reassuring, which was so appreciated!

So there we have it, lots of frames that represent my family-of-origin. Things we have taken down that signal our lives are changing. The end of an era. And yet we will be just fine.

Taking Down Family Photos

This afternoon my siblings and I are meeting at my dad's house to get it ready for Suzy.

My parents did a cool thing when they got married. They took a family photo every single year, and then had large frames with each family photo and the year under it hanging in their family room.

Since my dad is getting married at the end of the month and his house will also become Suzy's house, we are taking down our family photos, our old Family Home Evening chart, and other family memorabilia that was special to my mom. We will also go through some of her boxes in the storage room. Anyone want old Jon Huntsman for Governor campaign info?? (Kidding!)

It is a necessary thing to do. I have no doubt. Mom is okay with it, I am sure.

But man, the "new normal" is sure strange and it makes me sad that our family, as it was, is now no more - at least in this life.

I am gearing up. I am a little sad. It signals a new beginning that is wonderful and necessary, but it hurts my heart because our family is different and my mom isn't here.

Wish me luck!

Caleb's Surgery

Caleb has two large moles on his face and last Friday had them removed at Primary Children's by a plastic surgeon.

Those moles have been trademark Caleb for the past several years. (They started growing when he was a baby.) In fact, sometimes the only way I can tell his baby photos from Marc's is by the moles.

The doctor told me after the surgery, "That mole under his nose was getting kind of funky. That kid must have a solid self-esteem, as I'm sure kids at school made comments about it."

Actually, they did. He had some kids say that they looked like boogers. But we always told Caleb that we liked his moles and it was his decision on whether or not to have them removed. He finally decided that he wanted to. (He named his moles - Bob and Tom.)

We took a "before" photo at the hospital:

He was so brave when he waited for the doctor. He asked me questions about Aubree's brain surgeries while we were there. I mentioned to him that her surgery was much more serious - they actually cut into the center of her brain and they told us she could be blind, deaf, paralyzed, or die from the surgery.

After the surgery he was starving and talked the nurse into getting him some mac n cheese. She said they normally don't give solid food in post-op, but still gave it to him. He scarfed the whole bowl, along with a root beer slushy, and wanted more.

Sadly, after he came out of surgery he said, "So mom, did I get blind, deaf or paralyzed?"

Apparently he thought he may end up with one of those things, too. It broke my heart that he had been worrying about that. I explained that those risks were just for Aubree's surgery because they were operating on her brain.

His recovery has been great! He has not needed any pain meds (not even Tylenol) and the next day was helping with a service project all morning.

Sanitary Napkins, Book of Mormon, and Cheeseburgers

Saturday Caleb (9) said/did three things that totally cracked me up:

Sanitary Napkins
We were in the restroom at city hall washing our hands after painting. Since no one was in the building, Caleb came in the women's bathroom. He is always asking me for a quarter when he sees a gum ball machine or something. As I dried my hands, he pointed to the sanitary product dispenser and said, "Mom, do you have a quarter I can borrow?" I told him there was probably nothing he wanted in there and that I would explain later. Later that day we had a lovely chat about how that wasn't the "napkin" he thought it was. (I am still baffled that he was willing to pay $.25 for a table napkin.)

Book of Mormon
Caleb was sitting at the table and I thought he said, "Mom, do you believe in the Book of Mormon?" I was caught a little off guard, but was pleased to have an opportunity to bear my testimony to my boy about the BOM. I proceeded to tell him how I knew it was a true book and how there are things in that book that God wants us to know. I told him that I knew that Joseph Smith had translated it.

After I spent a minute or two telling him my feelings, he looked at me funny and then softly said, "I asked you if you believe in Global Warming."

Maybe I need hearing aids.

Cheeseburgers
I bought the kids Wendy's cheeseburgers for dinner. Aubree wasn't home, so I saved hers in the fridge. Caleb only ate one of the two burgers and saved his extra one for later. Well, later came and he went to the fridge and pulled out a burger and started eating it. I realized that he was eating Aubree's burger and asked him where his was. He got a surprised look on his face and then walked over to his drawer in the kitchen and pulled it out. "Here, she can have this one," he said. "This one" had been sitting in that drawer for over five hours, so we had a little chat about how burgers and other foods need to be refrigerated. Poor Aubree didn't get a burger.