Memorial Day Hike

For our family Memorial Day activity, Matt took our family on a hike to the top of Grandeur Peak. He went last year with just Tyler and Marcus and this year decided that all of us could do it.

Next time I climb a mountain I'm going to remember to do the stair master beforehand so my thighs don't burn like crazy! 

Poor Aubree. She left her tennis shoes at a friend's house, who is out of town. So this morning I found her a pair of my old shoes. They were too small for her, but she wore them anyway. (Very bad idea when you are going down a steep mountain and your toes are already pushed to the end of the shoe. Her toes were killing her at the end!) 

In fact, all of us were in shoe trouble. We found hand-me-down hiking shoes for Marcus and Caleb this morning in our storage room, and I wore my mom's hiking shoes. It was probably not the smartest idea to try out new shoes on a six mile hike up and down a mountain. No wonder I thought my toes were going to fall off! (But mom's hiking shoes are pretty awesome! They are a nice pair of Merrill's.) Caleb's ankles are now swollen and bruised. But the complaining from the two little guys was very minimal - bless their hearts.

Here we are in the "saddle" where we stopped to rest and eat apples and granola bars.

Matt was my hero! Aubree was less than thrilled to be doing this hike. After only losing patience with her once, he continued the rest of the way with her by his side and held her hand the entire time.

We all made it to the top and enjoyed a spectacular view of the entire Salt Lake Valley.

Here is the beautiful view from the other side of the mountain.

Once we hiked down, we immediately drove to Smashburger and enjoyed burgers and fries. We were so hungry!!

After lunch we drove to the cemetery and visited my mom's grave. I love Memorial Day weekend in the cemetery! It is so beautiful!! I had a good cry and then we went home, showered, and sat around the rest of the day.

Aunt Leslie's Funeral

Yesterday was my Aunt Leslie's funeral. I was so grateful that I was able to go! 

I told my cousins and Uncle Doug that I had two regrets from my mom's funeral. One was that I didn't cut a lock of hair to keep. The other was that we didn't video the people who came to the viewing. It brings so much comfort to remember those who came to buoy us up. 

I was so grateful for all the photos people took on funeral day, so on my way out the door I grabbed my little camera. 

I felt a little irreverent snapping photos during the viewing, but I kept thinking how grateful I was for those photos that captured that time that we said goodbye to our mom.

The services were beautiful! All six of her children spoke and shared things they had learned from their mom. Leslie's brother also spoke. 

I sat next to my dad during the service and he was very emotional. We all felt like we were reliving moments of my mom's funeral. I especially felt that way when we went to the graveside and Leslie was being buried close to my mom. It was a little strange and surreal.

My favorite part of the funeral was the opening song. The song was, "How Firm a Foundation." We sang all seven verses, but I feel like Leslie was singing the words with us. It was as if it was her last testimony to her family and friends to let us know that we can always turn to the Lord when we have troubles. Some of the parts that stood out to me were:

"In every condition - in sickness and health,
In poverty's vale or abounding in wealth...
As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be."

"Fear not, I am with thee; oh be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid,
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand."

"When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not thee overflow,
For I will be with thee, they troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress."

"When through fiery trials they pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine." (That one is deep! I love it!!)

"The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!"

I still vividly remember Aunt Leslie coming to my mom's funeral. Before we closed the casket for the family prayer, Doug wheeled her up to the casket to say goodbye to mom. I remember the look on Leslie's face as she said goodbye to her sister-in-law, friend, and former roommate. Leslie later told me, "It should've been me, not Sherri."

Doug sent this cute photo of Aunt Leslie and my mom in college. He titled it, "The Heavenly Chicks."

During the services yesterday I felt like my mom was saying, "You guys should see Leslie!" Leslie was wheelchair-bound and her poor body had taken such a toll. I imagine her freedom from pain and suffering is cause for much rejoicing in heaven. She lived a valiant life and taught all of us who knew her. I can't help feeling happy for her - but sad for her family that will miss her so much.

My Aunt Leslie

I am so sad. Last night I got the news that my Aunt Leslie was dying. I was so upset. I felt so helpless here in Maryland. I called my dad to make sure he had a chance to say goodbye to her. He didn't realize the urgency of her condition and started to cry on the phone. He hurried over to their home and told Leslie goodbye and asked her to please "tell Sherri that I love her."

Leslie's family members spent the evening at her home and at 10:40 p.m. she peacefully passed away.

Leslie is married to my dad's brother, Doug. She and my mom were both from Seattle and were roommates at BYU. Leslie and Doug lined my parents up. In fact, the two couples ended up having a double wedding.

Leslie has struggled with health challenges for several years. I have learned so much from watching her endure to the end. She was always a positive person and when I would visit her in the hospital and ask how she was doing, she would always say, "How are YOU doing?"

She cared about others and was such a sweet and wonderful person. We will miss her so very much.

The last time I saw and hugged Leslie was at my cousin's baby shower. I am so glad I got to see her then. She looked so beautiful and happy. I am grateful we had the chance to express our love for each other that day. She was very weepy and told me how much she was missing my mom.

My heart aches for Doug and his kids as they mourn their sweet wife and mom. Doug was an amazing caregiver and has taught me so much about patience and love.

This has resurfaced so much of my pain of losing my mom. My heart breaks for my cousins who are grieving. Our prayers have been with their family.

This has been unusually difficult for my dad. Every time I've talked to him on the phone he has cried. He remembers the pain all over again as he watches his younger brother go through this difficult temporary separation from his sweetheart.

The funeral is Friday and my plane was schedule to get in on Friday night. Fortunately, a very nice Delta Airlines agent waived any fees for me to move my flight up a day. Now I will be home on Thursday so I can attend the funeral.

At lunch today I was sitting with some people from my training class. They were asking about Mormons and the LDS Church. I was able to tell them that I was a member of that church. They asked why Mormons had so many kids and I told them how important families are to us. We believe that families are central to God's plan both on this earth and in the next life. I told them that I knew I would see my mom again someday and that her spirit still lives on even after death.

It was therapeutic for me to say this out loud and with conviction. I know that is true! I know that all our loved ones who have passed on still continue to live. They are temporarily separated from their bodies, but because of Jesus Christ we can all be resurrected someday. We will all be together again!

I love you, Aunt Leslie!

Flying in an Airplane

This week I am on a trip in Emmitsburg, Maryland for a Public Information Officer training course.

On my flight to DC I sat next to the window. During the four hour flight I was worried about asking the two ladies next to me to move when I needed to use the restroom. So... when I finally had to go, I looked over and unfortunately the lady in the aisle seat (I'll call her "Gertrude") was sound asleep with her tray table down in front of her.

I was trapped.

So I sought the help of the lady sitting in the middle seat (I'll call her "Harriet"). I moved Gertrude's books off her tray table and put them on my seat. Then Harriet and I put up her tray table ever so quietly.

Then I stood in front of Harriet and leaned my arm on her seat as I stepped one giant step over Gertrude. I watched her peacefully sleep as I straddled her and chuckled as the other passengers watched me with interest.

Then I swung my other leg over and I was free!

After going to the restroom I tried to do the same maneuver, but as I finished swinging over my second leg, I softly bumped her and she woke up. I handed her back her books and she said, "How did you do that?"

No, I did NOT win Parent of the Year

Super Nanny, we need your help!

I am a lazy disciplinarian these days.

I used to follow through really well and my kids were pretty obedient. But holy cow, I have totally been slacking off and now I have some serious ground to make up to get back on tap.

It's hard to know if my exhaustion and inability to parent well is due to my 25-30 hour per week job - which I started last August. Or if it's related to losing my mom and the constant bit of sadness that lurks in the back of my mind. It's probably a combination of both.

I laugh that going to work is easier than parenting at home. In fact, I now see why some parents "escape" to work. I've felt that desire before.

I've been a stay-at-home-mom-with-little-side-jobs-occassionally for the past 16 years and this is the first time I've worked outside the home. Luckily I usually work while the kids are at school and can be home with them in the morning and afternoons. But I am tired! It is so hard to walk a child into the time-out room when I just want to lie down on the floor and take a nap.

I know that being a good mom is the most important thing I could be doing right now in my life. I have a responsibility to teach my children, set a good example, and raise them with good values. Easier said than done.

Wish me luck and a little more energy and patience!

Mother's Day

Today was the first Mother's Day without my mom. I wondered if I would survive the day, but I guess my pre-planning paid off. I actually had a very nice day. I didn't cry once at church, and my family has been wonderful!

Last weekend Tami and I kind of did a pre-mother's day weekend to remember mom. We had our Mother's Day lunch and then last Sunday we went and visited mom's grave. 

At mom's grave we sat around with our families and talked about the things we remember about mom.

Tami and I each brought flowers for mom and I wrote a card and taped it to my flower vase.

Today Matt made me a wonderful omelette for breakfast. Then he cooked a wonderful dinner for all of us. My kids gave me this candy bar poster and I got a lot of hugs and kisses from Caleb. It was a very nice day! We even had the missionaries over to Skype home to their families and have dinner. We also had Matt's parents, Brenda and Cary and kids, and my dad for dinner, too. It was so fun!

This afternoon Marcus came to me a little emotional and told me how much he missed Grandma Sherri. I told him it was okay to cry and that it's good to remember Grandma.

When my dad came over for dinner tonight he told me that he has had such a hard day - one of his hardest yet. Mike also had a hard day missing mom.

I am glad my day was more happy than sad!

My Birthday

Thursday was my 38th birthday. A few days before my birthday I started getting sad. I kept thinking about how much I would miss a call from my sweet mom, a fun birthday lunch, and just the big deal she always made out of birthdays. I also thought how my birthday was a day that I shared with my mom - it was the day she became a mother.

Even the morning of my birthday I woke up and cried a little. Mom made our birthdays truly special days. She had this little chair cover that said, "I'm a VIP," and she would put it on our chair the day of our birthday. She always went to great lengths to pick out a meaningful card.

My birthday morning started out with a sweet gesture from my Marcus. He set his alarm and got up early to bring me a bowl of oatmeal. He and Matt put up our "Happy Birthday" signs. (My tradition for my kids is to put these two Happy Birthday signs out in our family room and kitchen on their birthdays.) They also had birthday cards out on the table - one from Matt and one from each of the kids.

Then I went to work. When I walked back to my cubicle I saw about 10 mylar balloons, crepe paper everywhere, and some "Happy Birthday" signs. I was stunned. The ladies in my office said my sister-in-law came by this morning and did it. Sure enough, I found a card on my desk from Mike's wife, Karyn. She said in her card that she knew I would be missing my mom and the big deal mom made out of our birthdays so she wanted to do something for me. It was so sweet and made my cry! Thanks, Karyn!

Facebook always makes birthdays fun! It was almost overwhelming to get so many birthday wishes throughout the day from friends, acquaintances, and people that I don't know. :)

My sister, Tami, had arranged to take me to lunch. We went to Zupas and Mike and Dad were there! I am so dumb. I thought, "Wow, look who happens to be here? We should sit with them." Then Tami told me that she had invited them as a surprise. We had a fun lunch together and my dad gave me a very nice card that he said mom and Lori helped him pick out for me. Of course I cried again as I read it!

That night I told Matt I wanted to take the kids to Firehouse Subs. Their food is good, but I thought the kids would love the "soda machine of the future." (One of those touch soda machines.) They loved it and we had a great time!

Overall it was a great birthday!! The irony was that Matt asked me the day before if my schedule was free on Friday. It was at that point, so he took the day off and had plans to take me to Park City and to lunch. Unfortunately I had a work meeting that was scheduled last minute. He let me sleep in a little, and then I left for work and he went and fixed sprinklers. It was a nice thought, anyway!!

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

I work for my city. One thing that I find very interesting are a couple of people who try to do everything they can to tear down the city. It's like they want the city to fail. (Can you say "sour grapes?") But there is one guy who-must-not-be-named that makes snide, negative comments all the time on the city Facebook page or in emails. It totally reminds me of the Debbie Downer Saturday Night Live skits. Every time I read one of his posts I want to reply with, "Waaa, waaaaaaaaa." (See this video clip.)

 

 I know that I'm not being very Christlike. But some people make me crazy!

Thoughts on Dad's Engagement

I had to think for 48 hours to really analyze my feelings about my dad's engagement to Lori. I realized the thing that made me sad about it was the reality that mom is not coming back. Somehow seeing dad move on and find someone to marry has made it official that life really has moved on.

One thing that I like about us humans is our ability to adapt. Truly, aren't we all adapting to change, disappointment, trials, and weaknesses every single day? Well, losing my mom has made me realize that we can and have adapted to having her gone. Saying that makes me feel sad, but it is true. That doesn't mean that we don't miss her or ache to see her. But it means that we've figured out how to cope and live without her physical presence in our life. It's just like any other trial. If someone would've told you 20 years ago which trials you'd have to endure in the future, wouldn't you just sit down and cry? I would've never thought I could endure the trials I have. And yet, here I am... enduring.

Honestly, I am super excited for my dad. We love Lori and we are so excited to have her in the family. I don't feel like she is replacing my mom, but that she is another family member. On Saturday my kids and I called her and sang, "Happy Engagement to you..." (To the tune of "Happy Birthday.") Then Aubree got on the phone and said, "Hi Grandma Lori!" I started to cry. Not because I am sad, but because it is wonderful that my kids get a chance to have yet another grandma. There's no such thing as too many grandmas, right?

It is great to see my dad so happy and although things continue to change (i.e. I don't talk to my dad on the phone every day like I used to), it is okay. It feels right.

I've been praying that I would know if mom is okay with this. I feel peace. I think the best way I've felt that peace is through a dream that Tami had. She dreamt that mom came to her as a spirit and brought Lori's "file." It was like she was handing it over to us and saying that Lori was okay. Tami even felt like they were friends in her dream and knew each other well. I've thought a lot about that and I think mom would really like Lori.

Our kids have asked us a lot about their wedding. They want to know if it's okay that they aren't getting married in the temple. We've explained to them that they are both already sealed to their other spouses, so they are just getting married until they die. Marcus asked if they would still be friends in heaven. I told him that of course they would always be really good friends and might even be next-door neighbors in heaven someday.

Mothers Day Lunch and Dad's Big Announcement

Today was the day of my Mothers Day lunch. I invited any women who had lost their mothers. I had people from my ward, from my neighborhood, on Matt's side of the family, and from my work. We had a great time eating chicken salad croissant sandwiches, salad and dessert.

After eating lunch we took a picture of all of us holding the photos of our moms.

L-R - top row - Valerie Colby, Steffany Forrest, Tonya Ferrin, Leslie Haberle, Marlene Woolley, Judy Von Gunten. Bottom row - Me, Julie Newton, Margo Colegrove, Linda Hermansen, Cheryl Cottle, Tami Larsen.

We went around and spent several minutes each talking about our moms - what we learned from them and what we love about them. We laughed and cried as we heard about the amazing women who are on the other side, cheering us on from there. And who we miss desperately every day of our lives.

Ironically, while we were eating I got a call from my dad. I answered the phone, "Mothers Day lunch at the Newtons, how may I help you?" (One of these days I will blog about the funny way we answer the phone with each other.)

My dad said, "Oh, I forgot you were having that today. Well I can call you back later." I told him he could talk to me now if he had something quick to tell me. Then I said, "If you're engaged or something you probably should call me later." He paused and then said, "I think I will call you later."

After the party I called him back. Sure enough, he is officially engaged to Lori and will be getting married on July 7. Kind of funny timing and irony, eh?